Why It’s Okay to Ask

Photo by Chris Liverani on Unsplash

Of course prayer makes a difference. Or does it?

I ask the question because of something I remember hearing in the church I grew up attending: “Prayer doesn’t change things; it changes us.”

Is it true that prayer doesn’t—cannot—change “things”?

I admit I understand the sentiment. God is infinitely wise. And don’t we sometimes come to prayer unready to receive what God might want to show us, or do in us? Maybe we come to God asking for vengeance when we’ve been hurt or betrayed. And in prayer we begin to see a larger picture. Like maybe our role in the conflict.

I can think, too, of some seemingly—spectacularly—unanswered prayers in my life. And now, with the benefit of hindsight, I thank God that God didn’t give me some of the things I asked for. God had other intentions. In those cases, even unanswered prayer changed me—I saw in retrospect just how good God’s provision can be, even when it comes in the form of a, “No,” or, “Not Yet.” Sometimes I needed a healthier measure of patience. Or more contentment--right where I was. Or greater trust. Times of prayer excel as breeding grounds for just those traits.

Prayer does change us. But it can also change “things,” or the state of affairs in the world around us. We can’t know the outcome when we pray, but why should that mean that it’s not okay to ask God for things in prayer? Where do we get the idea that any prayer other than “thy will be done” or “thank you” is somehow immature?

The New Testament author James asks, “Is any among you suffering?”

He answers, That person should pray. So also with those who are sick--presumably not just for their own spiritual formation, but also for the possible (though not promised) outcome of healing. And Jesus tells us to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread.” We are not just given permission to ask in prayer. We are urged. Ask, Jesus tells us in Matthew. Seek, knock. Those are bold imperatives—strong, vigorous verbs. As though they have exclamation points. I like how one of Julian of Norwich’s preferred words for prayer was beseeching. It’s as if our asking is sometimes appropriately pleading.

If God has created us to be in relationship with him, conversation is one of the most natural things you would expect in a relationship.

So is asking.